Hello readers, Prester here to give you the review of Just Dave that he had prepared a while ago but because I have the worlds my unreliable computer I have not been able to add it on. Better late than never and whatever.  Here it is ...

There is an argument going around for The Losers that really bugs the hell out of me: “It’s a comic book movie. You are thinking about it too much”

Therefore its okay to be shit?

Apparently a comic book to most people is bad characterization and stupid brainless fare where there is nothing but sexy babes and aggressive dudes blowing stuff up...it is devoid of any such things as realism and smarts. This argument’s even funnier when applied to ‘The Losers’.

I haven’t read the comic book series the film is based on, but I’m pretty certain it can’t be as crap as this film.

You see it comes from the hugely influential DC comics imprint label ‘Vertigo Comics’, which are renowned for publishing the very best of the medium: Hellblazer, which became the Keanu Reeves film Constantine,  Transmetropolitan which Patrick Stewart wishes to play in. Theres also 100 Bullets; which David Fincher has been circling, and the seriously incredible (and highly recommended) Y, the Last man  which looks set to be butchered by Eagle Eye director D.J Caruso and actor Shia Lebeouf (they reportedly want Alicia Keys in the film - come on!)...but whatever. Comic books take a lot of flak in the art world, it’s just pictures and words right? For kids right? Then explain Watchmen and The Dark Knight, Spiderman and so on.

The problem is that hollywood takes these graphic novels and adapts them with no idea what makes them work; you end up with these duds all the time... Batman and Robin anyone? It would not surprise me in the slightest if the Losers is actually a good comic book. It is however a horrible, horrible movie.

I don’t know where to begin with the film. It’s about a elite special forces team betrayed by a James Bond villain, they go on a mission to get revenge on him. Thats about it. It stars Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen), Zoe Saldana (Avatar, Star Trek) and Captain America to be: Chris Evans, it’s also got some other cardboard cutouts you never really care about enough to even learn their characters names because all they are required to do is stand in the background and look cool. Every action is predictable, to the point that a characters call sign is actually what he does in the 3rd act.

The film goes from excessive, poorly shot action scene to the next and never stops for a second to develop characters. What there is of a story does not make sense and nor does it attempt to. It’s never a good sign when you sit in a theater and actually think that there  is an hour of deleted scenes somewhere.

The Losers seems designed to make money and thats all. Every single little thing in the movie is derivative. The plot and characters are so predictable that the cliched development just gets irritating, you have to endure obvious moment after moment.
The entire motivation of the Bond villain is “to restore order”, you see him blow up an entire island and do all sorts of cheesy ridiculous things, but you couldn’t car less because it’s a joke...they even get Jason Patric to play him. Of all the actors to play a villian: Jason Patric.

To be fair though, Patric seems aware of the shit storm he is in and chews scenery accordingly. Evans does the same, he is actually great in the film and is the only actor who attempts to create a character, he seems to be having fun with it, which is something that Saldana and Morgan don’t do, they grumble through their two dimensional roles with confused/ I need to pay the bills expressions on their faces. The camera focuses on Saldanas ass so much that she probably wasn’t even directed.

Zoe Saldana is a good actress, she has proven it before. I wonder why she even made this film. She is gorgeous though, and one can’t complain about looking at her, but after an hour of the ‘freeze frame on dvd if you are 14’ moments you can’t help but feel sorry for how degraded this great promising actress is. Morgan plays pissed off the entire time, he is also a promising actor that gets shafted. That seems to be a running theme with this film.

But you know, I don’t blame them, they tried hard. But the film-makers just couldn’t care less. They just want crazy over the top stunts and hyperactivity, but if a movie is going to be only this it needs to be done to an at least above average level.

The horrible CGI mixed with ridiculous action and Michael Bay cinematics makes you cringe most of the time. The camera is always zooming around, shaking all over the place (when it’s not it is in extreme slow motion)...it’s just headache inducing, and the fact that it never stops just hurts the film in so many ways...on top of all this there is absolutely zero substance. I feel I should give some examples:

1) There is a super slow motion sequence of a cock fight.
2) The team shoots down a helicopter by blowing a car fifteen meters up into the air into it...at the same time a truck is being lifted up by a giant magnet. All of this takes place in the middle of the day on a packed street. Cops are barely seen during the whole movie.
3) They rip off Armageddon. All the characters walk in super bad ass slow motion towards the camera whilst an American flag waves. Cue super patriotic music. I was waiting for ‘Aerosmith’ to kick in...

A funny thing about the movie is that it throws away any potential coolness for cheap jokes. Take the second point above, that scene revolves around a bright yellow car that the team bought because they couldn’t afford anything else. The simple gag may be funny, but it destroys the credibility of the team during the scene. Maybe I’m over thinking a movie like this, but it’s un-originality and banality just began to annoy the shit out of me.

The jokes aren’t funny, they just stand around and ‘banter’. At the start of the film it’s slightly entertaining, but you soon realize that the film is not going to do anything else with the characters. It’s mostly ‘your mama’ jokes anyway.

I was saying earlier how it felt like this film was designed to make money, it sure seems that way: Every action scene is scored by a huge radio hit song that drowns out the rest of the film. It’s typical of a movie these days (see the Twilight franchise) to score their film with the soundtrack sales in mind. When I heard Black Betty playing at the beginning of the film, for what must be the 4000th time used in a film, I felt that it was just a moment of painful, horrible un-originality; but unfortunately The Losers did not recover from that moment.

There was only two parts of the film that I really enjoyed; the opening titles were very cool, and Chris Evans’ scene in the corporate building involving the Journey song “Don’t stop believing’ (another example of shameless soundtrack sampling) was hilarious...mostly because of his comic timing and the fun he was clearly having with it. It’s a shame the rest of the cast didn’t have this vibe.

Watching The Losers is like watching someone piss on the comic book medium, and it’s the last thing that medium needs...There needs to be more film-makers like Zack Synder and Christopher Nolan (who understand and respect comic books) to adapt these things. Not just hollywood committees. ‘Marvel’ it seems, has their heads screwed on and it’s why all their films turn out great (and financially successful), in 2012 when they have released Captain America, Thor and The Avengers...the other studious will have the rebooted Spider-man and X-men films out, in which the entire casts are teenagers and set during high school years.

It just goes to show, that if you don’t have respect for the comic book you are adapting; you will end up with something that is uninteresting and clearly designed to make a buck. It’s insulting and condescending, and most of the time just plain horrible. The Losers is one of those films.

What did you all think? I kind of liked the movies but I understand everything Just Dave is saying, the slo-mos were damn annoying and the gratuitous ass shots of Zoe Saldana distracted me so much my mind would wonder to my happy place and I would come back and have missed most of the film. Oh well, what a great ass. Check out the film and tell us what you thought?